Friday, May 27, 2011
My Dear Parents,
It is your 46th anniversary today.
Frankly, it's shameful.
As a representative of a younger generation, I feel that it is my duty to explain that most people have the common decency to end their marriages after a suitable period of "trying to make it work". An appropriate time for this would have been thirty to forty years ago, but it still isn't too late.
I realize that, in having a marriage that has lasted longer than a decade, I provide a poor example for you, but I blame you for this. While many of my peers received important life lessons by having their parents painfully divorce at a young age, I was stripped of this important character-building opportunity and instead had to rely on my
own devices. Thankfully, I learned to run away, start fires, skip school and otherwise add difficulty to my life at a young age.
I know that little that I say will have an impact on your unconventional life choices and suspect that you plan to continue your unrelenting celebration of love, while simultaneously flaunting your ability to thrive and do good amid overwhelming hardship.
Still, I urge you to change your ways before the Rapture.
Elbas T. Batshit, Esq.
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I wish you both all the happiness that there is. Your love for the other and your commitment to carrying your family through even the most difficult times is an inspiration.
All my love,