The three difficulties are:
1. to recognize your neurosis as neurosis,
2. then not to do the habitual thing, but to do something different to interrupt the neurotic habit, and
3. to make this practice a way of life.
Yesterday I was as neurotic as I get. I held a pity-party for one, threw the confetti and blew the paper horn. I wallowed in my misery, and then, having puked up my feelings on paper, I got up and vacuumed the wooly floor, cleaned off the counter, ran the dishwasher and made a decent meal for dinner.
And while I would love to understand the neurobiology of all this build-up of angst-pie, in my case it simply comes down to two elements. Pain and low serum potassium. Once I realized this and decided I was tired of feeling like crap I took a couple of pain pills and a dose of potassium. In about an hour my foul mood improved by 100% and I got up and enjoyed the rest of the day.
Today I woke with a migraine, my body's customary response to vacuuming. However, pain pills with breakfast, along with a cup of strong coffee has pushed the perimeter back to barely noticeable.
The day began overcast and cool, but about 11:00 am the clouds cleared and it is gorgeous out there. I took my camera out to my garden in front for pictures. Gardening may be my "guilty" pleasure, but it's also nourishment to my soul.
The hostas on the shady side of the walk are blooming, the stalks of lily-shaped flowers are lovely - translucent, but they hang like bells and it's very difficult to photograph them from underneath. The white astilbe continues to bloom while the pink ones have faded to green.
The rose bushes out front have just about finished their first flush of blooms. I need to take the shears out and deadhead them and the sage, to encourage a second flush of bloom. The mini-roses I planted last year are thriving and the ones in the tree well near the driveway have produced some gorgeous pink blossoms.
So, here's the drill. It's a healing garden, in every way.
2 comments:
Some times it only takes the passage of time (long or short) to realize what you thought in one moment is not nearly as dire as you thought.
Just keep the balance of the good ahead of the bad.
Even after my diagnosis with RA, it was a long time before I recognized the connection with the symptoms of my illness and those sky-is-falling emotions that would hit out of the blue. I used to chastise myself for not being better able to control my emotions. Now I know the wind has blown those emotions in with the pain and other symptoms of the illness, and they'll blow back out again. No self-castigation required.
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