Tuesday, August 01, 2006

And In This Corner....

This morning I began pinning the fabric together for the slipcovers. It quickly became apparent that, having no large table to work on, no strength to work with, and a cat who was under the mistaken impression that whatever I was doing was for his amusement, I had bitten off more than I could chew.

RV banquette cushions are called "jack-knife" cushions. This is supposed to refer to the fact that they fold like a jack-knife, but it actually means they are armed with deadly weapons and are willing to use them. We're talking HEFTY FOAM ladies, three five inch thick cushions (one 42" x 24" , two 42" x 10"). They are joined together at the long seams by some kind of secret pact. They fold neatly into a seat and back for your banquette, then unfold swiftly into a mattress if the need arises. This ability to switch identities so effortlessly might be a clue to their true nature, but it never occured to me that they might be more complex than they seem.

Challenge them and you quickly learn that they have been trained in resistance techniques by Ofoama Bin Mattress. I became the hapless victim of their violence when all I was trying to do was make them a nice new suit of clothes! I got the sh*t kicked out of me.

When the bell rang on the first round I had pins in both my thumbs and had pinned one layer of fabric on wrong side out. I had to take it all out, wrasslin' the foam and fending off the cat, who kept making raids to sharpen his claws on the back side of the cushion.

When the bell rang to begin round two I had fortified myself with platitudes about enjoying the moment, not becoming ruffled by adversity etc. etc. I was half way through pinning the long sides together when I found I was pinning one piece on upside down. (This fabric has a nap.) Ding!

I staggered to my chair and sank into it. I glared at the cushions and they glared back. They were primed for a 10 round match and I was already sweating and shaking.

Ding! Round three began with a walk through the yellow pages. Within half an hour I had engaged the services of a professional upholsterer and the cushions were delivered to her workshop. I may have lost a couple of rounds but I won the war.


newwaytowrite said...

Clearly you won. Those cushions will be dressed to the nines before they knew what hath sewn them.

I am trying to quietly pack. Sweetie sleeping like he is being on night sh*(f)t and all that entails. Of course packing tape is not quiet. The cats want to climb in every box I start to fill.

And answer me this....when did our love of candles (aka romance) get so out of control?

Zak Greant said...

Darn. I have nothing witty to say - but I am very glad that you are blogging. :)